“You need some help yourself and it’s hard to switch to that mindset. But if you don’t do that, you can’t possibly be the type of person who’s going to give your 100% effort to help other people.” -Scott DeLuzio
Asking for help doesn’t make us weak. It makes us strong!
There’s a lot to be said for how men can build each other up. But sometimes, some of us men just don’t know how to ask for help. It’s not that we’re trying to be rude or ungrateful—it’s just that we’ve been taught from a young age that it’s not polite to ask for help, and so we don’t do it. But what if being a man means giving ourselves permission to ask for help?
This week, I got to sit with Surviving Son author Scott DeLuzio to discuss why asking for help is something we should start practicing. Scott is an author, podcast host, and war veteran. He and his brother Steven were deployed to Afghanistan in 2010. Sadly, Scott lost his brother in the war. Following his transition to civilian life, Scott found it hard to overcome his grief and trauma. He almost lost his way, until he decided to man up and do what most of us are afraid to do— ask for help.
Listen in as Scott and I talk about the biggest lesson we can learn about mental health, how we can give voice to the voiceless, why it’s necessary that we share our story to the world, and how we can overcome the fear of asking for help.
Connect The Modern Man:
Highlights:
- 03:59 Joining the Military
- 09:52 The Nightmare of the Surviving Son
- 14:00 Overcoming PTSD
- 19:43 The Biggest Lesson on Mental Health
- 22:38 Ask For Help
- 27:23 Giving Voice to the Voiceless
- 31:11 Don’t Take Your Story to the Grave
- 33:00 Recap
Resources:
Book
Tweets:
Men are socialized from birth to believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness—that just because they need something doesn’t mean they should ask for it. It’s time that we bury this lie for good! Tune in as @TheModernMan8 and @scottdeluzio talk about how men can overcome the fear of asking for help. #TheModernMan #podcast #men #SurvivingSon #military #veterans #veteranshelpingveterans #grief #PTSD #healingjourney #mentalhealth #askforhelp
Quotes:
06:00 “I’m young enough. I’m fit enough. I’m perfectly capable of joining the military. I’ve got nothing but poor excuses. So I’m going to sign up as well.” -Scott DeLuzio
13:02 “My brother’s passing, while it was sad and tragic, the grief of that wasn’t going to help me at all in the job that I had to do. So I had to really compartmentalize what I was going through and set that aside and focus on the mission.” -Scott DeLuzio
19:58 “Our mental health is not like our physical health. In mental health, you might need some additional follow-up. Things might take some time.” -Scott DeLuzio
21:14 “So many of us when we start neglecting the things that our mind needs, our inner selves need, and what our body needs, we start regressing back to some old habits to cope with the lack of that maintenance.” -Ted Phaeton
23:11 “You need some help yourself and it’s hard to switch to that mindset. But if you don’t do that, you can’t possibly be the type of person who’s going to give your 100% effort to help other people.” -Scott DeLuzio
24:30 “Being a man sometimes is admitting that you need help. Finding the right help and resources for whatever it is that you’re going through and being able to admit that takes some courage.” -Scott DeLuzio
27:09 “Don’t ignore your own engine light.” -Ted Phaeton
30:59 “One example of a sacrifice that’s made in coming back home is not really feeling like you had a place in your own home. Things were just different.” -Scott DeLuzio
31:35 “So many of us take experiences to our graves and nobody gets to learn from them or grow from them.” -Ted Phaeton
34:55 “We don’t always have it. We don’t— and that’s okay!” -Ted Phaeton
Meet Scott:
Scott DeLuzio is an army veteran, entrepreneur, podcast host, and author. He served in the CT Army National Guard as an infantryman for six years. In 2010, he was deployed to Afghanistan. From this mission, Scott still carries a painful memory of when his brother, Steven died. Minutes after hearing the bad news, he was engaged in combat with the Taliban, leaving him with no time to grieve. His transition to civilian life didn’t come easy as he dealt with the immense grief of losing his only sibling and the trauma brought by the war. In his book, Surviving Son, Scott recalls the events of that day and the years that followed while he strived to attain healing, and how he hoped to provide comfort and hope to fellow veterans and their families. When he’s not busy with work, Scott enjoys spending time with his wife and three kids traveling, and hiking.
Author: Ted Phaeton
“The Modern Man” is a series focused on discussing the challenges and obstacles men face in today’s society. It is an open forum of discussion where thoughts, strategies and ideas of men living a happy and fulfilled life are explored. The Modern Man aims to create a community of men not only sharing and connecting on a deeper level, but also exploring how to thrive and live a happy and fulfilled life. This is done through intentional conversations strategically aimed at issues that men face in today’s society.
